since i last updated. i think things are fine in terms of relationship status.
what's not fine, is job status. it is, infact, more than 'not fine'.. it's driving me insane. literally. it gives me the biggest mood swings ever and i find myself crying more and more about it each day.
what sounds perfect to someone can be hideously lonely. get this. i own a company, a successful(ish) company with a well-known name (in the world of railway books.. LOL). by successful, i mean i have survived the recession, something many small companies have not managed to do. i technically own 3 vehicles, i work practically when i want.. although i do 9-5 monday to friday, i take breaks when i want.. i basically do what i want when i want. perfect, no?
no, it's so so lonely. i love going to the post office at the end of the day to drop off my parcels because i crave the conversation and other people. being sat by myself for most of the day is driving me crazy. i get no money either. well, maybe a couple of hundred every 4/5 months but that's nothing for a girl of 21 living in western culture. it's not even comparable(sp) to the dole. i sort of feel stuck in this job. i hate to admit it, but i do and i really hate for people to know that. i claim that i can 'get out' of it whenever i want to but that's not realistic. i can't get out.
i'm dreading the next day. especially when i have no orders. it's turning mind numbing, more and more each day.
i need to figure this out. i want a life and right now i don't feel like i have one.
like i said to him the other day, i only have one life to be happy and right now i'm messing my life up badly. I NEED OUT.
over 'n' out.
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